found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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