Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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