I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
