ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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