I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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