how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
