K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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