conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.