Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.