Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  if you like me you must not know who I am

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  (248): if you like me you must not know who I am http://tfl.nu/tuge
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.

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  (402): I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity. http://tfl.nu/6ok4
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (5953) Bad night (532)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill

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  (561): next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill http://tfl.nu/y326
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  actually, i try not to think about it

  (802): View more from Vermont

  and i pooped them out

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  (802): does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children (1-802): actually, i try not to think about it (802): and i pooped them out http://tfl.nu/h4ew
  Replies (54) Good night (7774) Bad night (1621)
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  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
  Replies (39) Good night (1562) Bad night (4682) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..

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  (206): My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury.. http://tfl.nu/rawt
  Replies (39) Good night (7914) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31472) Bad night (1286)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.

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  (306): I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious. http://tfl.nu/psu6
  Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?

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  (717): Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear? http://tfl.nu/yvgn
  Replies (3) Good night (1065) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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  (613): You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw. http://tfl.nu/41w7
  Replies (10) Good night (1404) Bad night (875)
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  (559): View more from California

  I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.

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  (559): I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs. http://tfl.nu/m1ws
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  (407): View more from Florida

  More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out

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  (407): More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out http://tfl.nu/4y5s
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.

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  (603): He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss. http://tfl.nu/zi8c
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..

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  (573): I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding.. http://tfl.nu/ukti
  Replies (5) Good night (281) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt

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