he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me