The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.