That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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