i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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