Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
