I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
