i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
