The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
