Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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