New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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