And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
