Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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