Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

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(314): My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control. http://tfl.nu/vcg1

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

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(610): NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS. http://tfl.nu/4d7u

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.

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(860): Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium. http://tfl.nu/ptz9

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(231): View more from Michigan

I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.

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(231): I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out. http://tfl.nu/21gu

Replies (12) Good night (3642) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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(949): View more from California

the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters

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(949): the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters http://tfl.nu/l7fh

Replies (39) Good night (4833) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
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(813): View more from Florida

were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.

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(813): were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes. http://tfl.nu/3m35

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(519): View more from Ontario

you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.

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(519): you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner. http://tfl.nu/pwti

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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(920): I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense http://tfl.nu/23hg

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(716): View more from New York

There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair

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(716): There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair http://tfl.nu/dbyu

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

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(580): And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities. http://tfl.nu/eu72

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(760): View more from California

I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore

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(760): I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore http://tfl.nu/3q10

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(850): View more from Florida

I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.

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(850): I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong. http://tfl.nu/d58h

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(847): View more from Illinois

a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?

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(847): a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again? http://tfl.nu/tc2t

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"

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(201): Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class" http://tfl.nu/e4eb

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(530): View more from California

Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.

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(530): Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important. http://tfl.nu/xc0u

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