This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.