when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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