i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.