Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3710) Bad night (759)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?

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  (703): If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count? http://tfl.nu/wecp
  Replies (24) Good night (761) Bad night (3090)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?

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  (414): Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point? http://tfl.nu/qhrq
  Replies (15) Good night (5127) Bad night (1149)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2884) Bad night (9602)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

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  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4411) Bad night (1320)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
  Replies (12) Good night (5939) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke

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  (407): A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke http://tfl.nu/oufu
  Replies (4) Good night (681) Bad night (2218)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.

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  (541): Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused. http://tfl.nu/dae0
  Replies (9) Good night (1946) Bad night (760)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....

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  (601): Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it..... http://tfl.nu/aiat
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (972)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.

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  (908): She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible. http://tfl.nu/itsw
  Replies (7) Good night (617) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots

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  (919): I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots http://tfl.nu/ri9x
  Replies (3) Good night (710) Bad night (387)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-

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  (910): before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_- http://tfl.nu/01p5
  Replies (2) Good night (1045) Bad night (452)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.

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  (360): The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head. http://tfl.nu/prnc
  Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  Tequila.

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  (479): Know anything about my roof collapsing last night? (1-479): Tequila. http://tfl.nu/3wq7
  Replies (0) Good night (694) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting

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  (706): Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting http://tfl.nu/0ok9
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (415)

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