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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

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• (817): View more from Texas

  one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top

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• (845): View more from New York

  So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.

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