bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.