summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.