My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
