smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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