yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
