How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
