And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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