Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
