so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
