we have pet lesbian snakes
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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