This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
