I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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