You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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