He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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