don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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