there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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