Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
