Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
