So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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