I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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