I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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