Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
