I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't tell me you're on acid again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
