your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
