Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
someone owes me an orgasm
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
