If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
