It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
