he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
