love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
