I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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