I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Semen is not good for contacts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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