if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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