my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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