Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
