I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
