Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
