Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
its liver damage thursday
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