Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
