Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drake has all the answers
I deserve this hangover.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
