Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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