so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
