nutella sex= disaster
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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