doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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