btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
