last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
