Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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