3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
