at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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