well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
