and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
