Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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