At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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