I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
